January 11, 2006


                   

"I Like Mic"
By Beaufort Johnson

 

Mike, Propane guy

You might notice that I called this article, "I like Mic". Not, "I like Mike", because Mike is the guy who sells propane to all of the trailer parks on the edge of town. He's a nice enough fella, but I don't like him on account of his politics. He's a "Democrat" and they ain't too popular in this part of Texas. Anyway, "I Like Mic" is a play on the campaign slogan for another great Texan who held the White House down during the 1950's, Dwight David Eisenhower. During Mr. Eisenhower's election campaign, my Daddy used to say, "I Like Ike". I guess "Ike" was Mr. Eisenhower's nickname. Anyone knows that "mic" is short for microphone. Kind of an unusual nickname, but I thought it rhymed well with "mic". Duh! I shoot dirt track races out on the Tejas County, Texas circuit and I figgered that shooting sprint cars would be a good test for how good the mic in my new camcorder works.

Free Chips and Dip

I just bought a new camcorder down at Crazy Guillermos's (he's the video dealer down in Houston, free chips and salsa - they sell video cameras but they can also make you a great deal on washers and freezers, too)

Wangzu 2000

and he said I didn't need no extra microphone sitting on top of this camcorder he sold me, because (he said), it's already got a built-in microphone. Will wonders never cease? Guillermo built his fortune in the salsa business (the kind you eat, not listen to), he's a shrewd guy, and he told me that the built-in microphone was not only better than any ole shotgun mic, but that the Wangzu 2000 also records in genuine Dolby surround sound. Can you beat that? Now I don't need no fancy audio software, all of the footage I shoot will already be in surround! Whee doggies! He also said that the surround is automatically recorded in the special surround sound sample rate of 47,981 Kilohurts. That talk is little techno geeky, but you get the drift, this thing stomps some major audio butt.

Field Testin'
I needed to hear it for myself so I went out to the track over the weekend and shot some footage. Sure enough, when I got back, I loaded the footage into Final Cut Pro and took a listen on my Kama Sutra "Ears of Death" speakers. I have had these speakers, ever since I found out that Ozzy bought a pair back in 1968 to mix Sabbath's second album on. Crazy Guillermo was right, this camera's got a fine microphone. I could hear the cars real good, just as if they were all around me (and I only have two speakers!). Damn! I've been videotaping dirt track cars for better than 15 years and although I do have a modicum of hearing loss (according to my family doctor, Dr. Beggar), I can still hear a lot of stuff with this on-camera, built-in microphone. I can hear the cars, the engines, the sick twisting of metal as they drag another lifeless body out with the Jaws of Life, it's great. I even shot a interview with Billy Dean Zodico, the number one rated dirt track and sprint car champion for the Tejas County sprint car series. I like to hear Billy Dean yell over the sprint cars, it adds a genuine authenticity to my interviews with him. Sometimes, it's a little tough to hear what he's sayin', but what the hell, what did Marshall McCluhan say, "If it works, its obsolete"?

Don't Get All Fancy, Now!
Sure, you can get all fancy, if you'd like and stick one of them $800.00 shotgun mics on top of your camcorder. But why? Why put on airs? Just so's you can be all uppity and look like a news reporter camera guy? Most of those expensive looking microphones you see on all of these guy's camcorders are really just hollow tubes filled with Oregano or sometimes even with Marijuana. "Shotgun" mics are mainly so that these audio hippies can get their stash past customs and law enforcement. Have you ever seen those furry things on the end of a pole that some of these "audio guys" use? Dead cats or roadkill, thank you very much. Poor, stoned out audio dudes. If you want life to just be one big "Cheech and Chong" movie, you go right ahead with a "shotgun" mic. Me, I'm sticking with my built-in mic. "Just Say No" to shotgun mics.

Those Koreans Are Smart
This new camcorder I got, the Wangzu 2000, is a really good piece. You've gotta figure that the Koreans didn't get to where they are today, making the best power tools, calculators, motorcycles and camcorders available, by not being efficient. Plus they invented Sushi. How efficient is that, uncooked fish? It may taste a little funny, but it's efficient. They are smart people and if they put a microphone in my new Wangzu 2000, they made it the best microphone technology possible in a $299.00 camcorder. I have a friend on my bowling team, Kim Young Sam, and he insists that I am crazy and that my Wang (as I affectionately call my camcorder) was made in Japan, not Korea. I tell him that I know it was made in Korea, because that's what Crazy Guillermo told me when I bought it. I don't know why Kim gets so bent outta shape when I tell him that I really like Korea and I like Sushi. He should be honored but he usually just gets pissed and tells me have another beer. I interviewed Kim out at the races and he said that he doesn't understand why a bunch of fat, middle aged white guys like to go in circles in the dirt but I think he just doesn't understand the sport because he is from Korea. The Wang's built in mic picked his voice up fine too but he was yelling at me in Korean so I figured it would.

The Zen of Sound Texas Style
There is a fine ole Texas tradition, called "Ojos de Los Manos", which literally translates as "Eyes of the Hands" but (figuratively) translates as "You Reap What Pops Up From The Seeds That Dropped Out Of That Bag". What this means is that if all you have to watch on TV is Bass Masters, you are blessed. If all you have to eat is Deer Jerky, you are also truly blessed. If all you have is a watered down beer from Colorado that begins with a "C" and ends with an "rs", oh well, bowl another frame. If your "Wang" came with a built in microphone, you don't need some other type of fancy schmancy "shotgun" drug decanter. You don't need some expensive "lavaliere" mic either (that means necklace in French, but you know what list the French are on with us since they chickened out of the war), you can get perfectly good, solid, sound with your camcorder's built-in microphone. Well, that's the end of the article.

 
Beaufort Johnson is a resident Laredo, Texas who happens to make a living videotaping dirt track car races. His favorite artists are the Dixie Chicks (well, they used to be until they turned out to be Godless communists when they said that crack about our current favorite Texan in the White House, George W. Bush), Waylon Jennings and Charro. He drives a 1967 Plymouth GTO with 454 Hemi, a Mopar short shifter and Goodyear racing slicks. He's been a Final Cut Pro user since version 1.0 and thinks that Final Cut Pro can kick any other editing application's ass. He also just bought a Wangzu 2000 camcorder and only uses the built-in mic.

copyright © Beaufort Johnson 2006

 

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